so it's been a while.

once there was a girl. she walked along the street and got herself killed by a cat. the cat jumped on her and bit her wrist and blood were all over the place. so she died out of loosing too much blood.

this girl had parents. after they got the news of their daughter being dead and all, they were so happy and decided to have a party. the party is to celebrate the death of their daughter. they hated her that much mostly because she was a fan of jacob black, while her parents were a fan of edward cullen. so this is kinda like team jacob vs. team edward.

since the girl was dead and all. she became a ghost. so she decided to haunt and/or kill people. she was so sad and angry that her parents threw a party because of her death. anger ran through her dead and ghostly veins. but the first person she wanted to kill was edward cullen.

so she went to arizona or wherever shit edward lives at. found edward. but then, edward killed the girl before she killed him. well you know, since edward was like this super glitter guy who can read minds and all. so he read her mind and killed her first.

at least it was a happy ending though. as the parents, who were on team edward, didn't die. so fuck jacob. go edward! *rolls eyes very hardly*

the car.

once upon a time, there was a man who bought a car. the car was a BMW. it was silver. it was shiny and silver. the man named the car Glaschan Unthaya. yes, the name was weirder than the cow's.

so one day, the man took the car for a drive. he drove it along the streets of mexico. after that, there was a lady who had baseball bats for legs, showed up in the middle of the road and pointed out her right leg towards the car. the leg poked the guy right in the eye and went to the brain. the guy was killed.

after that, the lady threw the guy out and took the car and drove away. after a few minutes, she realized that she didn't know how to drive and the face that she can never drive with her baseball bat-legs. she panicked and drove into a lake. she was killed also.

the boy.

once upon a time, a married couple conceived a baby. after nine months, the baby was born. it was a boy. a very ugly one. but still, when people see him they'd be like "aww. he's so cute!" but under their breaths, they'd be like "oh my god, that's an ugly baby!". but that's not what his parents think. they don't think that he's ugly, they think that he's fugly. they can't even look at him.

as time goes by, the little ugly baby grew up to become a little ugly boy. at the age of 5, the boy went to a small shop near his house. he bought a mineral water. he drank it and he threw the plastic bottle away just like that. the plastic bottle is of course, not environmental friendly. so it did some scientifical shit it's supposed to do and that had caused global warming. icebergs melted and the air became poisonous. a year after that, the earth got too hot and it bursted into space. yes, the world has finally came to an end because of that ugly boy.

so the moral of the story is not "do not use plastic bottles" or "don't simply throw plastic bottles according to your mother father (suka hati mak bapak)". the real moral of the story is "kill ugly babies because they lead to ugly endings".

the cow.

one day, a cow named Quaneekapeenika was walking by a river. she looked down on the water and saw her reflection. and that was the moment she knew she was an ugly, fat cow. she felt sad, so, she went crying under a tree until she fell asleep.

the next morning, she woke up feeling sad. she went back to the river to have another look at herself. so, 'ladidadidadidadida' she went. when she got there, she took a deep breath and hoped that she would look different, before she looked down. after a few seconds, she looked down. she was surprised to find out that she had changed into a fish! well, obviously she didn't. her fat body was covering the sunlight and her reflection didn't show up, so she saw a fish that was in the water. little that she know, she wasn't just ugly and fat. Quaneekapeenika was also as stupid as britney spears. and with that, she jumped into the water and wanted to swim, as she is now a 'fish'. apparently, she floated. no, not on her belly. her whole body was in the water. but her head wasn't. this is due to her head beingvfilled with air. but soon, water got into her ears, which eventually got into her head and filled it. she then drowed to death.

the end.

hello, all. - introduction.

as you all may know me from 'Sarcasm, anyone?', it's Firas 'Russ' Harith. but in this blog, i will be writing fiction. by fiction, i mean short versions of short stories. it's up to you people on how to look at my stories. this is because, knowing me, my stories could mean something else.

so, happy reading. i really hope that my cynical and sarcastic stories would make you feel insulted and would make you hate me even more than you already do. *people who understand that, will laugh or say vadaa. but if you don't do either one, you are the type of people i write about* yes, people. i have a very weird sense of humour.

be waiting, because russwritesfiction.